“There’s nothing a blow job can’t fix.”

(What Brett wishes was on the door)
“Professor Spitler was hit by a milk truck. She drowned in the milk. No class today.”

“It is what it is, I guess.”

“I like George Bush, not because he was a good president, he wasn’t that. He was just an entertaining bad ass. Way to be boring Obama!”

“I’m wearing my fat shirt, so you can’t see my fat.”

“I heard everytime you drop ‘em, they lose time.”
(Talking about blackberry phones)

“If you have to cry, go outside.”

“I’m 95 percent of Marion County. I’m a nigger.”

“That’s in the form of a question.”

“Like crackers just came out of your nose. That’s gross.”

“I have to do the weirdest stuff when I’m hungover.”

“You’re back in the goons.”

“You can’t lie when your drunk.”

“Guys are like peacocks.”

“I don’t like the word abortion. I prefer the term cancelled baby.”

“I’m all skipped out.”
(Talking about how he can’t skip anymore college classes)

“We’re too smart for our common sense.”

“We all dream alone.”

“I just saw a couple screaming at each other in the street. Classic Valentine’s Day.”

“Twitter is a simple service used by smart people. Facebook is a smart service used by simple people.”

“Don’t make me come there and touch you where it counts.”

“How do I wake up and not care for someone?”
(Talking about she all of a sudden hated a certain person)

“Fuck the nigs.”
(When the trailer got stolen)

“Have a f’ing pen pal in China.”
(I forgot what this was about but it was funny)

Me: “I’m gonna lock you out the house.”
Kris: “I got a debit card.”

“That’s vital to my life.”
(Talking about the only pen she had for finals)

Katrina: “I’m off like a prom dress.”

“Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?”

“Clorox. Kill the germs, not the fun.”

Casey: “Hey, what’s up?”
Me: “Just sitting in the bed with Kristals. Kristals=Kristy.”
Casey: “Yeah, I know what you meant. And well I’m sitting on the couch with Chrissy. Chrissy=Chris.”