“You are a vampire because vampires are addicted to adderall.  I read Twilight… I know the symptoms. It’s like the ultimate adderall high!”

“I’ve come up with 3 new words using the word BRO: those being broceradactyl, broceratops, and brocephalasaurus. And those are all Wyatt originals and my pride and joy Brosophila Melanogaster.”

“Are there elephant ears in the car?”

(Making fun of mama)

“Mel, I love how you’re talking about herpes and you have shingles.”

Stokes: “I thought about you last night.”

Me: “When?”

Stokes: “When I was having sex.”

Mel: “She just needs to go to bed.”

Caroline: “It’s 4:30 pm!”

“I feel like I need to use gloves when I eat it.”

(Talking about eating popcorn.)

“We are gonna be mud lining it.”

(Talking about shitting his pants when I grass lined it in the ditch.)

“You know you’re getting good fruit if it’s from black people.”

“Do they even have D’s? You would get one.”

“That one was funny, but it wasn’t funny when you were trying to write it down.”

(She said something that I thought was funny and so I was trying to put it in the crack but I kept fucking it up… and it got annoying.)

“I only drink beer when I’m in a boat.”

(About Twilight)

“He glistens.”

“He puts sparkles on.”

“Sticking feathers in your butt does not make you a chicken.”

“He’s preppy but his mouth is a fucking trashcan.”

(Talking about Joe)

“So when you’re in jail, don’t call a Verizon phone.”

“Well, we get to sit our shit in a bunch of shit.”

(Talking about all the liquid that was in the cup holders in In-the-Butt)

“I hope that rotten pig doesn’t come down the road.”

“He’s a typical frat star… he has to be cute!”

Me: “Are you still dating Cliffy?”

Bre: “That fucker fell off a cliff (get it) and I ain’t heard from him since.”

Me: “Todd, can I have your computer?”

Todd: “No, it’s like the only good part in my life.”

“I’m pretty sure I just broke one of the 206 bones that I have.”

“They started using planes… death from above.”

“Imma fry you with a skillet.”

“Adam, nobody likes a two finger fratty.”

Me: “I love white sauce.”

Stokes: “Well, he knows how to make it.”

Me: “I just hit a median in the road.”

Mildred: “You should never have been able to drive.”

Me: “I’m just not the best at multitasking.”

Mildred: “You can’t single task.”

Me: “Holy shit Charles! That’s going in the crackbook.”

Dude on the speaker says this: “Can you drive to the first window… the train is coming.”

“I think I have something from outer space living in my mouth.”

“You adderall ass.”