“The only ship that won’t sail, darling, is a partnership.”

“Kevin has a bug up his butt.”

Me: “I hate your phone!”

(10 seconds later)

Mag: “My phone actually did die that time.”

Me: “Damn iphone. Way to NOT give a warning.”

Mag: “No. It gave me three. I didn’t think it was serious.”

“You’re cooking your goose, sir.”

“If that had been a regular person, I would have hit her real hard.”

(When Harr’s grandmother grabbed Harr’s arm and made her touch the staph on her elbow.)

“I’m not gonna do a karate move on a leopard.”

“Why does it sound like there’s snakes coming from my hallway?”

“Twitter. It’s a whole new way to piss people off. I like it, it’s fun.”

“Could you wipe the fucking snot off your face before we start serving chicken and snot?!?!”

(While laying out by the pool…)

“I have a pretend Paula laying next to me! Except she’s a huge black woman.”

“You’re sending messages like you had a finger amputated.”

(I told him I just woke up and that was why I couldn’t type worth shit)

“Paula. I’ve eaten so much. I ate all the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms. Now I have a big bag of shitty cereal with no marshmallows.”

“There’s nothing fun about a fun house.”

“Maybe I like to jump on other peoples boats without being invited.”

“You don’t read drum music.”

(There is a Burger King in Columbia Mag and I always go to and every time something strange happens)

Mag: “I passed the iconic Burger King in Cola.”

Me: “Haha! People in trees and old ladies telling us to watch out and hobos shaking hands with us…”

Mag: “So fucking weird. Getting raped comes with one of their combos.”

Me: “Crackbook!”

Mag: “Somehow I knew that’s what you were gonna say.”

Me: “Somehow I knew you knew that’s what I was gonna say.”

Mag: “Somehow I knew that you knew that I knew that’s what you were gonna say.”

Me: “You win.”

“Put on glasses. It’s better to look like a geek than a moron. You have your choice.”

(Harr says this while cleaning up water with toilet paper…)

“I don’t like touching wet toilet paper.”

“My grandfather; it looks like his eyebrows are trying to pick fruit when he walks.”

(Talking about eyebrow streamers)

“You look like a chimpanzee hanging over a cage looking for some bananas.”

“I should tell my therapist, ‘I’m not an alcoholic or drug addict. I’m more along the lines of a sex addict.’”

Nay: “You’re warm”

Me: “Everyone tells me that.”

Nay: “It’s because you’re pissed off all the time.”

Person 1: “Sex keeps you in shape.”

Person 2: “Kind of if it’s longer than a minute.”

“Don’t thank me. Just fuck me.”

“If I just scratched my computer to do something stupid I’m gonna be pissed.”

“You may think I’m predictable but that thought process will change tomorrow.”

“This is not a tea dance. I talk, you listen.”

(Making fun of Gary Busey)

“You are the future, dragons are the past.”

“Frisbees are the new kites.”

(Talking about a hair product that is called “It’s a 10″)

Jen to Me: “I got ‘It’s a 10′”

Me: “How do you like it?”

Jen: “I think it works like an 8 but smells like a 10.”

“You can’t say you lost something if you know where it is.”