The Crackbook

Jeff Lewis

Paula Anne — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 06:02:29 +0000

“you either live like me or you wanna live like me.”

Harr

Paula Anne — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:43:56 +0000

“I threw it up.. so I can eat it tomorrow.”

Kevbo’s Mentor

Paula Anne — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 04:06:33 +0000

“Well Shaggy, that’s another mystery solved.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 05:27:56 +0000

“That’s like tryin to put a forrest fire out with a water gun.”

Alex Albrecht about lifelock CEO

Paula Anne — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:57:34 +0000

He put his nuts on a table, said I believe in my company, here’s a hammer.. and someone hit him in the nuts…. 13 times

talking about the CEO of life-lock having his identity stolen 13x

Kevbo’s Mentor

Paula Anne — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:05:43 +0000

“You’re only a few fries short of a happy meal.”

WetheDan

Paula Anne — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:17:38 +0000

“Chocolate milk is pretty much liquid ice cream.”

My Life as Liz

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:14:06 +0000

“Best place to fart: a jacuzzi.”

Alex A.

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:10:48 +0000

“Warning labels are more of an incentive to do shit.”

Harr

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:07:38 +0000

“I have to think about it, but I can make it happen.”

My life as Liz

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:06:36 +0000

“It’s not like multiplying two negatives and making a positive. It’s just twice as crappy.”

E 603

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:01:55 +0000

“There are hearts printed on my toilet paper. I am just glad people are wiping their asses with the symbol of love.”

Kevin R.

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:00:25 +0000

“My mom sent me an e-mail saying, ‘my internet doesn’t work’.”

Craig and J Chris

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:58:11 +0000

“Tool girls go in the tool box.”

Alex Albrecht

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:35:15 +0000

“There are only three types of people in the world. Dicks, pussys, and assholes.”

Iron Chef Host

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:33:59 +0000

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

Lisa Robertson

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:32:50 +0000

“The bathroom mirror will lie to you. The rear view mirror won’t.”

Harr and Me

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:31:43 +0000

Me: “I like things that fly and swim.”

Harr: “What have you eaten that flies?”

Me: “Hmm….”

Harr: “Cause chickens don’t fly. Have you ever seen a chicken fly?”

Kristy

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:30:03 +0000

“I don’t like Grey Goose. It sneaks up on you.”

Eng’s Friend

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:28:56 +0000

“That’s about as cool as a handjob on a honeymoon.”

Kevin R.

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:27:51 +0000

“Sometimes you gotta be a dick to get shit done.”

Alex

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:27:00 +0000

“Condoms and seat belts go hand in hand.”

Coach Coleman

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:25:50 +0000

“If all else fails, cheat.”

Anna

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:25:13 +0000

“If I had a spare grand, I’s shit all over this lease and move on. Fuck off seriously.”

Kristy Klap

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:57:38 +0000

“The day Forever the Sickest Kids break up is the day I stop listening to emo music.”

Kevin Rose

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:55:22 +0000

“The only thing that really makes me wanna have kids is seeing them in fucking costumes.”

Alex

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:54:16 +0000

“Sex is my new adjective for whatever is good.”

Skip to Mellody

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:53:17 +0000

“We’ll squeeze each others asses at the same time and then we’ll really know who’s got what.”

Albert and Ross

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:52:12 +0000

Ross: “They’re only fun facts when you read them the first two times.”

Albert: “Yeah, and then they’re knowledge.”

(Talking about the fun facts at a movie theater)

Kristalllss

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:49:58 +0000

“Well, my finger is gonna have to work right now.”

(Talking about using her finger to brush her teeth because she didn’t have a toothbrush)

Anonymous

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:27:52 +0000

Person 1: “Her and Lisa are smart cookies.”

Person 2: “Their cookies are crumbling!”

(Talking about how both lisa and this other girl are 20 and prego)

Mrs. Nancy

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:25:43 +0000

“Don’t shit on your own parade.”

Matt about Prof. Fix

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:23:53 +0000

“He types the way he talks.”

Life Guarding Class

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:22:29 +0000

So, there were these kids that jumped into the pool and nearly drowned. The lifeguard saved them and asked Kid 1: “Why did you jump in?” The Kid said “I didn’t know it was that deep.” The lifeguard then asked Kid 2: “Why did you jump in?” and Kid 2 said: “Because he’s my buddy.”

Kristy

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:18:45 +0000

“Good things always happen in this shirt.”

Jen and Tina

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:17:22 +0000

Jenny: “It’s a black hole with random things flying through it.”

Tina: “I feel like it’s a big traffic jam.”

(Talking about what’s inside my brain)

Jared to his mama

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:16:02 +0000

“What am I gonna do? Wash it away? It’s still gonna be there in the morning.”

Inscore

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:14:25 +0000

“I gotta say… I don’t sound very sexy on the phone. But you have to admit I’m sexy in person.”

(He’s fat, no hair, and can’t hear)

Glenn to Rev

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:12:29 +0000

“I hope your dick is longer than your attention span.”

Dave

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:10:02 +0000

“I like my boat wet.”

Yokoso dude

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:07:48 +0000

“Here are some onions for your breath.”

Drew

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:06:35 +0000

“Don’t break anything you can’t pay for.”

Adam to Mel and Me

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:05:49 +0000

“Hurry up you lazy fucks.”

Adam to Lauren

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:05:15 +0000

“Why are you hating on me for your boyfriend’s jokes?”

Glenn

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 19:53:17 +0000

Kevin: “So, I was tellin my rents that you were movin back for the summer and mom was like “What’s she ging to be doin?” and my dad immediately chimed in “I’ll tell you who she’s not goin to be doin!”

Lester

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:14:09 +0000

“Let’s pick a theory out of the book and discuss how it fits our personality.”

(Talking about ditching the theories research paper and doing this instead)

28

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:12:52 +0000

“Ask him if he’s really having a party, or is it shits and giggles and laughs and farts.”

J Chris to Mel

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:11:41 +0000

“Nothing gets my dick harder than you bitchin’”

Alex Albrecht

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:10:44 +0000

“reCOCKulous….. one step above reDICKulous.”

Adamn

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:09:25 +0000

“I literally get in the shower to put on dirty ass clothes. I hate that.”

Brett Yo

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:08:35 +0000

“I have terminal ass cancer. I can’t sit in this seat any longer.”

(Why he can’t stay in class)

Vincent von Gough

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:07:42 +0000

“Painting and fucking a lot don’t go together. It softens the brain. It’s quite a nuisance.”

Tristan

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:05:33 +0000

“Fuck God. He doesn’t even know what’s going on.”

Tom Hall

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:04:44 +0000

“You can’t recover from stink.”

“Stink is career limiting.”

“When you stink, people don’t tell you.”

Tina to her suitemates

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:02:26 +0000

“Ummmmmm… we don’t clean.”

Drew and Albert

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:01:39 +0000

Drew: “What are you gonna do when you get a real job?”

Albert: “Get fired.”

(Talking about Albert always being late)

Peanut to Mel

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:00:13 +0000

“We are just going to get food. I have no shoes on and no bra or makeup, so don’t worry.”

(Mel bitching about them leaving before cleaning the kitchen)

Mildred to Me

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:58:26 +0000

“Lifes too short for homework.”

Lester

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:57:15 +0000

“I like the index section of the book cause that means we’re done.”

Kristy and Me

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:56:30 +0000

Me: “I gotta do something to burn calories.”

Kristy: “We will drink tonight. That will burn calories.”

Anonymous

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:55:22 +0000

“I wanna go bang-a-lang bb.”

J Chris and Kevin

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:53:54 +0000

Kev: “Is that base not rippin’?!!?”

J Chris: “I think it’s just our heads.”

(Talking about Kevin sound system in his car while being hungover)

Skewers

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:51:53 +0000

“I think I’m part alligator .”

Engo Davidson

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:51:03 +0000

“Well, I’m the clown that came to town.”

Kevin Rose

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:49:48 +0000

“Nobody wants sweaty testes.”

Clayfuck

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:48:52 +0000

“If I was a girl, I’d be a mud duck.”

Drew

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:48:05 +0000

“It’s cold as a witches tit.”

AnnA

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:47:18 +0000

“Can I write a check in pencil?

Adam to Mel

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:46:30 +0000

“I decided to take the shroom detour.:

Kevbo

Paula Anne — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 14:48:01 +0000

“There’s nothing a blow job can’t fix.”

Brett Yo

Paula Anne — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 01:24:50 +0000

(What Brett wishes was on the door)
“Professor Spitler was hit by a milk truck. She drowned in the milk. No class today.”

Luke Duke

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:40:26 +0000

“It is what it is, I guess.”

My life as Liz: Sully

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:36:39 +0000

“I like George Bush, not because he was a good president, he wasn’t that. He was just an entertaining bad ass. Way to be boring Obama!”

Skipper

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:09:14 +0000

“I’m wearing my fat shirt, so you can’t see my fat.”

Kev

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:07:38 +0000

“I heard everytime you drop ‘em, they lose time.”
(Talking about blackberry phones)

Kelly Cutrone

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:06:32 +0000

“If you have to cry, go outside.”

Jared

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:05:18 +0000

“I’m 95 percent of Marion County. I’m a nigger.”

Inscore

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:04:28 +0000

“That’s in the form of a question.”

Harr to Me

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:03:35 +0000

“Like crackers just came out of your nose. That’s gross.”

E603

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:02:22 +0000

“I have to do the weirdest stuff when I’m hungover.”

Scooby to Albert

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:01:33 +0000

“You’re back in the goons.”

Alex A

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:59:52 +0000

“You can’t lie when your drunk.”

Skipper

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:58:25 +0000

“Guys are like peacocks.”

Dane Cook

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:57:49 +0000

“I don’t like the word abortion. I prefer the term cancelled baby.”

Chaz

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:57:03 +0000

“I’m all skipped out.”
(Talking about how he can’t skip anymore college classes)

BB

Paula Anne — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:56:09 +0000

“We’re too smart for our common sense.”

revertfashion

Paula Anne — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:04:08 +0000

“We all dream alone.”

E603

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:14:39 +0000

“I just saw a couple screaming at each other in the street. Classic Valentine’s Day.”

Peretti

Paula Anne — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:23:30 +0000

“Twitter is a simple service used by smart people. Facebook is a smart service used by simple people.”

Wyatt to Kristy

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:46:10 +0000

“Don’t make me come there and touch you where it counts.”

Sancho

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:44:53 +0000

“How do I wake up and not care for someone?”
(Talking about she all of a sudden hated a certain person)

Anonymous

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:43:15 +0000

“Fuck the nigs.”
(When the trailer got stolen)

Mildred

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:40:34 +0000

“Have a f’ing pen pal in China.”
(I forgot what this was about but it was funny)

Me and Kris Rogers

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:38:52 +0000

Me: “I’m gonna lock you out the house.”
Kris: “I got a debit card.”

Kristy

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:35:19 +0000

“That’s vital to my life.”
(Talking about the only pen she had for finals)

Miami Social

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:33:15 +0000

Katrina: “I’m off like a prom dress.”

King of the Hill

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:28:29 +0000

“Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?”

Commercial

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:25:30 +0000

“Clorox. Kill the germs, not the fun.”

Casey and Me

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:23:34 +0000

Casey: “Hey, what’s up?”
Me: “Just sitting in the bed with Kristals. Kristals=Kristy.”
Casey: “Yeah, I know what you meant. And well I’m sitting on the couch with Chrissy. Chrissy=Chris.”

Tom Hall

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:19:00 +0000

Tom’s boss: “I belong to the K.M.A club.”
Tom: “What’s the K.M.A club?”
Tom’s boss: “Kiss My Ass.”