(Talking about a hair product that is called “It’s a 10″)

Jen to Me: “I got ‘It’s a 10′”

Me: “How do you like it?”

Jen: “I think it works like an 8 but smells like a 10.”

“You can’t say you lost something if you know where it is.”

(Anita, who is from India, was at the Mellow Mushroom and the waiter was acting in a way that made her say this…)

“In other countries that’s considered rude.”

“I feel like crap — flu but no fever, so I’m just a wet noodle.”

Me: “Harr, you smell like a dog.”

Harr: “You wanna know what you smell like… the bottom of a bathroom floor in a gas station.”

“Lying to the media is fun….. Until it lasts six years.”

“You gotta eat to stay fit.”

(He was overweight AND eating fried chicken and other fat ass foods)

“I need some coffee and I need some blues clues. That’s how we solve murders, right Larson?”

“I just played punch the mole in the freakin’ hole.”

“I love eggs because they don’t run very fast.”

(Talking about trying to catch food to survive in the wilderness)

“You can make it fun. Put some glitter on it and call it something different.”

“Don’t start getting jazzy with me.”

“I don’t trust men in mustaches.”

“Broke people giving out financial advice is kind of humorous. It’s like fat people giving out diet advice.”

“You gotta talk with authority.”

“Charlie Sheen. You don’t have teeth. The argument is over. You’re the loser.”

“Jesus! How many chemicals do you need around you to live in New York?”

(Talking about the bugs)

Me: “I’m ready to have sex. Aren’t you?”

Kristen: “No. Cause I’m pissed.”

(Talking about where squirrels like to live)

“You’re not gonna wanna live in the barbecue during the summer.”

“So, on a scale from one to shit at its best… how much fun is it wakin’ up this early?”

“You can pretend my legs are female cause my jeans are tight.”

“The best way to not go to school……… is to not go to school.”

“They are just driving around to find the next parking lot to sleep in.”

(There was a truck driving down the road carrying a ton of shit.)

“The winds a whipping…. the ferns are dieing.”

“The church bulletins smell like booze.”

“Dude get this. I was at this bar watching the fights and Brett knew this… and I asked him if I was wasting my time and his answer was ‘Ya, the fights are pretty stupid’”

“You look like an idiot with a cigarette under the table.”

“You like your girls like you like your underwear….. dirty.”

“Look at this shitty penny. Its been run over, shot at, and eaten by a shark.”

“If I just scratched my computer to do something stupid, Imma be pissed.”