Chef Ramsay
- Wednesday Dec 8,2010 07:07 PM
- By Paula Anne
- In Quotes by Others
“This carpet looks like its had a thousand buffalos walking all over it.”
“This carpet looks like its had a thousand buffalos walking all over it.”
(Kevin’s dad to Uncle Kev): “Yeah, he’s smart. (Talking about a Stanford football player) Then Kev’s dad said: “He didn’t go to that ivy league school Charleston Southern like you.”
Uncle Kev’s reply to Kev’s dad’s comment: “At least he isn’t selling gutters like you.”
28: “Dude, I found my dream wedding dress!”
Me: “Duuuuuude!! Why are you looking for wedding dresses??”
28: “Cause I was watching ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ and I told my mom I know exactly what I want.”
Me: “Is it simple?”
28: “Yeah, kinda. It’s a simple ball gown kinda like… And it has pockets.”
Me: “Those pockets are perfect for a mini vibrator.”
28: Why in the heck would I need that?”
Me: “Why wouldn’t you is the better question?”
28: “It’s my wedding. I feel like the sex better be AMAZING that night!”
Me: “I feel like when we get married our vaginas are going to be bleeding.”
28: “My wedding dress better be off if that happens.”
Me: “Crackbook!”
28: “Dude, that for sure is a worthy crackbook conversation.”
Me: “I know.”
“You can only go so far selling sandwiches.”
“It’s so cold out there Jack Frost would be shivering.”
Me: “Are your parents coming… cause your house is so clean.”
Kevin: “There’s a fine line between my parents coming and English taking adderall.”
Me to Kevin: “You and J Chris are two peas in a pod.”
Kevin’s response: “What are you and Kristy? A married couple without a ring.”
(Kevin always passes out and this is what his uncle said)
“It’s like drinking at a nursing home with you.”
“Dramatic people are a constant source of inspiration.”
“Well drop your socks and grab my cock. We’re partying!!!”
“Did these seats get smaller or did my ass get bigger?”
(Talking about movie theater seats)
“Now that I think about it, my asshole is literally a salad shooter.”
“Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance.”
Some dude: (Takes a hit from hookah, cups his hands around his mouth and growls as he blows out the smoke and says…) “I feel like a dragon.” (A few minutes later he says..) “Facebook!”
Some other dude’s response: “Twitter!”
Renee’s response: “Crackbook!”
(Me getting on Harriet’s nerves by laying on the floor in her room)
Me: “What if I hide under your bed. Then I wouldn’t be in here.”
Harr: “If you got out of here you wouldn’t be in here.”
“I just imagine her boobs touching the floor.”
(Talking about how this one girl’s boobs sag and why he wouldn’t hook up with her)
“My moms like ‘Hey! Imma take you grocery shopping todddddday!’ And I’m like ‘Thanks, I did that yesterday.’”
(Talking about how Levi has bad luck)
(What Kevin’s uncle told Kevin about Kevin’s dad)
“You would think a basket of puppies was run over by bus the way your dad ran in the house to say the keg was empty.”
(Chef Ramsay ordered cod fish and said this…)
“It’s rubbery. When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.”
“It’s like an old man trying to get an erection. It’s just not fucking working.”
(Talking about how long it takes to upload pictures to facebook)
“Maybe you should get farted in the face for every time you do bad on a test. So, then you would start making good grades.”
(We were about to go camping)
Albert: “I don’t have a sleeping bag.”
Drew: “If you’re an eagle scout, you have to have a sleeping bag.”
“How much time do you spend hating other people that you’ve never met?”
“I’m gonna high-five the happiness right into ya!”
“You’re drinking milk like you’re about to go to bed.”
—–
“I don’t have friends, I have participants.”
—–
“We cook on Sundee and that’s got to last us til Wensdee.”
Renee to Me: “I’d cry if I dropped my soup. And I’d expect you to cry too.”
—–
(What Renee said to me right after I hit a curb)
Renee to Me: “It’s good to check that the curbs are still there… cause you might just run into the building.”
—–
“So, on Friday nights they have these people with nice cars meetings and they all have like 2013 cars that haven’t even hit the lots.”
—–
Renee to me about Emily: “She whispers like God is not gonna hear it… but guess what…. he did.”
(Emily whispered to us how to say the word shit in German)
(Renee wanted to go swimming and Emily wouldn’t tell her where a big size pool was… so Jenny told Renee to flood the bathroom. And tell emily this…)
“You didn’t tell where the fucking pool was, so I made one.”
“Botox your butt crack cause that shits saggy.”
(A bug flying around in the house)
Zack: “Oh, it’s a moth. I like moths.”
Drew: “I don’t. Get that fucker outta the house!”
Zack: “… if it was a bee I’d be pissed.”
—–
Drew to Zack: “You lied to me… and I like it.”
(Drew asking Zack if a flutin fly is German)
Me: “The mini golf pooper thing reminds me of you.”
Kev: “My shits are too much like blowouts for me to be fuckin’ around with putt putt.”