“If I had a spare grand, I’s shit all over this lease and move on. Fuck off seriously.”

“Can I write a check in pencil?

“Do you think Anna and bugs go together? NO!”

“I love Craigslist. I found two jobs and a cat on Craigslist.”

“My gas is eating my asshole right now.”

“Getting shitttttttttttty then shitting on you.”

“I may be horny everyday, but I’m not gonna fuck the world just because my vag wants to.”

“My whole damn life story isn’t 60 pages!”

“Grab your big ol bag, im sure its the red one or something, and RUN”

“Your cleavage is intense.”
(During the balloon boob fight at my birthday.)

“I was packing my pack asshole!”

(Talking about cigs.)

“Zip-o Cash-o”

“My brain just needs a beer.”

“I think you should go drown.”

(This is when we were all at the pool and Rob aka “Stripes” mispronounced her name.)