“Is that a fur hood or his hair?”

(Talking about a man’s pony tail)

“If you’re worried about the scurvy, I think you’d be better off not boinking him.”

“It probably smells like butterfly kisses.”

(Talking about a particular girl’s vagina.)

“I should tell my therapist, ‘I’m not an alcoholic or drug addict. I’m more along the lines of a sex addict.’”

Person 1: “Sex keeps you in shape.”

Person 2: “Kind of if it’s longer than a minute.”

“I wanna go bang-a-lang BB.”

“Fuck the nigs.”
(When the trailer got stolen)

(What the kids found while babysitting)
“And they found my texts today and found some about smoking and shit. I had to say a bowl was for a bowling pass. All kinds of bullshit, then called them nosey.”

“I’ve smoked more weed this semester than I’ve ever had in my life, drank less, and had the highest GPA of my college career.”

“All I have now is 30 dollars, a bag of grass, and a t-shirt.”

“It’s not that much pot, but it’s enough to get a ticket.”

“We are headed to the mountains. Dude, we got lots and lots of ups and downs.”

“I don’t think yankees can make a living writing Hallmark cards.”

“We are gonna do this, this, and this, and fuck in a tree.”

“We’re getting married. I don’t know when he’s gonna divorce me now.”
(Making fun of this girl because she won’t break up with her boyfriend. And instead is just waiting on him to breakup with her)

“See, that’s why they pick the crops and we don’t.”

“We should start running, so like when she comes back she’ll be like ‘I’m skinny!’ and we’ll be like ‘We’re skinnier!!’

“Black people are never right.”

“I’m not giving up a great friendship just because you had your first boyfriend.”

“I’m so glad she doesn’t have any money for weed, that way she doesn’t act like an idiot all the time.”

“You need a chimney sweep for your weed tools.”

“I wish drug dealers had store hours, that way we know we are getting our drugs.”
(Saying this on a Sunday and if there were legit hours people would know to call or not. For example: Noone calls Chik-Fil-A on Sundays because they are clearly not open)

“What is with these non potheads buying bowls? It’s not a fashion statement. It’s a way of life.”

“I mean if she supports her own disease.”
(Reason for purchasing red ipod)

Person 1: “What did you do all summer?”
Person 2: “Work to buy that weed.”

“They don’t live in her house. They live in her mind.”
(Talking about ghosts)

“Black people need to get off the radio.”

“I accidently packed my phone instead.”
(A hypothetical reason as to why it took as long to text back)

“I don’t want a kief weed infested toothbrush.”

“Mom! At least I’m buying alcohol and not weed.”