“Tool girls go in the tool box.”

Me: “I like things that fly and swim.”

Harr: “What have you eaten that flies?”

Me: “Hmm….”

Harr: “Cause chickens don’t fly. Have you ever seen a chicken fly?”

Ross: “They’re only fun facts when you read them the first two times.”

Albert: “Yeah, and then they’re knowledge.”

(Talking about the fun facts at a movie theater)

Person 1: “Her and Lisa are smart cookies.”

Person 2: “Their cookies are crumbling!”

(Talking about how both lisa and this other girl are 20 and prego)

Jenny: “It’s a black hole with random things flying through it.”

Tina: “I feel like it’s a big traffic jam.”

(Talking about what’s inside my brain)

Drew: “What are you gonna do when you get a real job?”

Albert: “Get fired.”

(Talking about Albert always being late)

Me: “I gotta do something to burn calories.”

Kristy: “We will drink tonight. That will burn calories.”

Kev: “Is that base not rippin’?!!?”

J Chris: “I think it’s just our heads.”

(Talking about Kevin sound system in his car while being hungover)

Me: “I’m gonna lock you out the house.”
Kris: “I got a debit card.”

Casey: “Hey, what’s up?”
Me: “Just sitting in the bed with Kristals. Kristals=Kristy.”
Casey: “Yeah, I know what you meant. And well I’m sitting on the couch with Chrissy. Chrissy=Chris.”

Me: “I just made a 48 on my test.”
Mel: “Dudeeeeeeee. I’m about to do the same thing. Haha ”
Me: “Hahaha! Well, good luck dude.”
Mel: “After tonight I’m saying fuck it. And then I’m going to get about a 15 on my lab practical.”
Me: “Well. That’s better than a zero.”
Mel: “Yeah. I’m hoping 15 is how much my name is worth, because that’s about all I’ll be able to write on the test.”
Me: “HAHAHHA….crackbook.”

Person 1: “I’m gonna shave my legs.”
Person 2: (watching tv)
Person 1: “Can you hear me?”
Person 2: “Yes.”
Person 1: “What did I say then?”
Person 2: “You hate nigs.”

Mel: “I feel like if I drive right now, I’ll drive right over a cliff.”
Bubble Gum: “I feel like you do that anyway.”
(Talking about Mel always drives like she’s gonna kill herself)

J Chris and Adam: “If we don’t get any ass, you’re gonna get two MacBooks up your asshole.”
Me: “That’s gonna be an expensive asshole.”
Adamn: “You’re gonna wanna crackbook that.”

Dustin to McKenzie: “Crack kills.”
McKenzie’s response: “Well, in this case it saves.”

Albert: “You can get a lot of people fed with those.”
Kiefer: “I’m not hungry anymore… thanks for the shot.”
(Talking about Jell-o shots)

Me: “I could see Chris speed skating.”
Harr: “Figure, maybe.”

J Chris: “I wear North Face when my patagonia is dirty.”
Wyatt: “I wear Gucci when my Louis is dirty.”

Me: “Hellogoodbye is playing tomorrow”
Harr: “Where? At the strip club?”

Tom: “Why do you do drugs?”
Criminal: “Because it enhances my personality.”

Mel: “It melts in your mouth.”
Me: “It melts in your mouth and not in your hand.”
(Talking about ice cream)

A chicken commercial comes on during the superbowl. The chickens in the commercial are in the white house. This is Adam’s reaction to the commercial…. and Mellody’s response…..
Adamn: “Why isn’t the chicken black?”
Mel: “Cause a nigger shouldn’t be president.”

Me: “I was on the toilet.”
Art Professor: “You use the toilet?’
Me: “Yeah, I actually have a butthole.”
Art Professor: “And it works..?”

Anna: “I have to fart.”
Me: “Did you say you have to fart?”
Anna: “Yeah, but I’m holding it in. God knows what will fall out after.”

Me to Mel: “Your eye’s red.”
Mel: “All of them?”
(As if she had more than two eyes)

Kiefer: “I smell something burning.”
Drew: “It’s our solar system.”

Mama: “Hows the watermelon? Is it sweet?”
Harr: “It tastes like summer.”
Mama: “That doesn’t answer my question.”

Me: “I’ll just start from the beginning.”
Stokes: “Well, thats usually where you start.”

Me: “I have the walking farts.”
Kristy: “I have the sitting ones, I guess.”

Me: “DUDE! I didn’t realize you lived that close to us.”
Kiefer: “It’s Mullins… nothings that far. So, I don’t get what you are trying to say.”