“The alcohol is fine, its the salt that gets me.”

(Talking about a margarita)

“Kristy, I like your style. You’re like a lazy executive.”

“I like my boat wet.”

(He is at a red light and a cop is across the street. Dave says this while making an illegal U-turn)
“Well, if he’s coming to get me, then he’s coming to get me.”

“Tell it to your preacher.”

“She’s a recent rape victim that needed girl power.”

“Columbus didn’t ask for directions.”

“I don’t get my wisdom out of newspapers.”

(While trying to find the movies)
“It’s HERE! They just built more stuff trying to confuse me.”

“You know the hot tub pool thing? Well, it’s really a hot pool.”

“I’d rather be notorious than be unknown.”

“Dating is kind of all about annoying each other, if that’s what you want to call it.”

“That’s why I just loooove Dollar General, so casual, I don’t have to get all dressed up like I do when I got to Wal Mart.”

“You’re a nerd with no hobbies.”
(While he is playing wii tennis.)

“Joe, did you follow that one to the end?”

“Guys, we can’t take this gun to war.”

“Do you know what the people in the military do?  They eat their food as fast as they can cause they have shit to do.”

(About Twilight)

“He glistens.”

“He puts sparkles on.”

“I hope that rotten pig doesn’t come down the road.”

“You say stupid stuff all the time.”

“I feel like if you have the intelligence of a carrot or an apple you would say that.”

(Talking about saying the phrase “it’s whatever.”)

“Sometimes I feel like a peacock on the roof.”

“I am sore and unemployed.”

“We just hopped on the sample bed and just went at it.”

“Why shower when you can change your underwear!!”

“I’m nice to people that work at dead end jobs.”

“I live in the country. I don’t need to go to college in the country, too.”
(Why he tranfered from Clemson to CofC.)