“I gotta say… I don’t sound very sexy on the phone. But you have to admit I’m sexy in person.”

(He’s fat, no hair, and can’t hear)

“You can’t recover from stink.”

“Stink is career limiting.”

“When you stink, people don’t tell you.”

“That’s in the form of a question.”

Tom’s boss: “I belong to the K.M.A club.”
Tom: “What’s the K.M.A club?”
Tom’s boss: “Kiss My Ass.”

“Now, look rookie… I know you don’t know what to do, but damnit look like it!”

“I don’t care about politics, I just wanna get paid.”

“I can hear a mouse pissin’ on cotton in the corner.”

“You’re the most uptight guy in America. Sit your ass down.”

“Lord, I’ll follow you………… when my dad dies.”

“I had a Cadillac’s taste on a Volkswagen’s budget.”

“I had taken pissed off to a whole new atmosphere.”

“What if someone jumped off the moon and landed on your car?”
(Talking about how he as a police officer gets asked stupid question… and you should have an answer for all of them)