“I have to think about it, but I can make it happen.”

“Like crackers just came out of your nose. That’s gross.”

“Everybody cares about a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Have you ever seen a fat thing? Like a wheat thin, but a fat thin…”

“I wish I could sing (pause) I wish that all the time.”

“Is my head attached to my neck? Do my feet have toes?”
(making fun of me with random questions)

“Talking about someone else’s life won’t give you one.”

“For some reason chewing makes me hard of hearing.”

“I got so much wax in my ears, I could make candles.”

“I can only carry on a real conversation with someone else who has a.d.d”

“When you baby people they come back to be babied.”

(Talking about how fast Kristy hotboxes the bathroom)
“There’s probably treadmarks in her undies.”

“Depressed people don’t shower.”

“I looked up and we were dying.”
(Talking about my driving)

“I mean what’s another roll of expensive toilet paper? I might as well be wiping my ass with diamonds.”

“Can an elephant tip-toe?”

“It looks like a circus lives in your underwear drawer.”

“Don’t set the box on fire.”

“The plans been on the fridge since Tuesday.”

“I don’t care if you are in the bathroom taking a shit… I don’t care if you are painting rainbows.”

“I drink sweet tea like it’s my life support”

“I mean… what’s ketchup and mustard without mannoyaise!”

(Talking about news anchor peoples’ hair)
“I mean if that what gets people in your panties… then go ahead.”

“Like if we weren’t sisters, we wouldn’t be friends.”

“Chas McMillan is just a retard in action.”

“Shroomies getting high.”

“This operation is on a hold up until you go get it.”

“I love it when mama goes to the grocery store. This is what she buys: a gallon of milk, vegetables, and this shit. She buys a bunch of random stuff that doesn’t make a meal.”

“My armpits are putting off an onion odor.”

What Harr would say at my eulogy: “I can smell the shit when you open your mouth.”