“Nothing gets my dick harder than you bitchin’”

“You aren’t looking for them if they aren’t missing.”
(Talking about how I annoy everyone with the saying that I scream at every party, which is WHERE’S KRISTY!!)

“There are more hot bitches on facebook than on TV. Plus, they put out.”

“Since when do you vacuum treehouses?”

“I was so fucked up last night I chugged two red bull and still passed out.”

(About to leave to go ice skating when we hear J Chris freaking out..)
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!? There’s a goddamn Bud Light Lime beer top in my room!!! This is suppose to be a fratty treehouse.”

“Madame Mellody”
(Talking about living in a whore house. Kinda ironic cause now he’s living there. hahaha)

“Which ones bigger, Kevin…. your cock or your yacht?”

“Anything over six inches is hazing.”

(Todd is painting the jail cell and his writing down a bunch of famous names of people that went to jail. J Chris comes in and says this…)
“WHERE’S MARTHA STEWART!?!”

“J Chris Owens wishes he had a cool slogan like the other candidates. How bout “Vote Katie Tull she is hotter than Erin Andrews through a keyhole.” or “Vote Katie… she’ll be your matey”…get it cause we are bucs or “to get through convo pack a bowl…when your done vote for Tull.”

“The first one who finishes 20 gets my dick. (Long pause. We make awkward faces) Alright! We are stopping at 19.”

Adam: “Pledge you’re doing the opposite of figuring it out.”
J Chris: “You’re unfiguring.”

“I feel like Maurice is right here (pointing to his throat)… but he wants to be over there (pointing to the floor)

“The only person that takes longer to get ready than Kevin is Paula.”

“Paula, Imma be stuffing your gstring with quotes instead of dollars.”

“Just a couple of the best nicknames J Chris and I came up with for Jesus: the bibles protagonist, speaker of red words, salvation station, coming home king, da OG from Galilee, God Jr. , floaty toes, DJ Heaven, bay walker, sand hiker etc….”

Me: “Dude, I really just wish you would say something funny so I can add you to the crackbook.”
Carlos: “Dude, Paula I wish you would just put out so I could add you to the fuck list.”

“Fuck, I had to go jail for them to get married.”

Farva:  ”What are these, blue jeans…”

J Chris:  ”Nah, these are linen pants so my balls don’t get hot.”

“She went from a 7 to like a negative 3.”