“Paula, your hair looks pretty in that picture.”
(This made the crackbook because no one ever says my hair is pretty, due to the simple fact that most of the time it looks like rats live in it.)

(At 2:11 am)
Me: “Go to bed, ya fuck.”
Jordan: “I don’t sleep. It’s the horney goat weed pills I’m on.”

Jordan: “Did you know your penis is a muscle? The more you use it the bigger it gets.”
Nick: “Yeah, it gets big and loose and hangs. We call that banana dick.”

(Todd puts the side of a wine bag to his ear.)
Jordan says, “It’s calling your name, Todd.”
Todd says, “It’s bubbling….” (And then he puts the wine bag next to Jordan’s ear.) …and then says, “Listen.”
Jordan says, “Yea, it says TODDDDDDDDDDD!”

Jordan: “Damn! That’s why the room is shaking. You’re leg is movin’ fast as hell.”
Kevbo: “90 miles a minute baby!”
Jordan: “90 miles a minute is slow.”
Kevbo: “90 miles a mintute is slow?!? You’re fucking high, Jordan!”

“It’s that crazy shit nigga, it will melt you into the couch.”
(Talking about drugs)