Kevin: “So, I was tellin my rents that you were movin back for the summer and mom was like “What’s she ging to be doin?” and my dad immediately chimed in “I’ll tell you who she’s not goin to be doin!”
“There’s nothing a blow job can’t fix.”
“I heard everytime you drop ‘em, they lose time.”
(Talking about blackberry phones)
“You’re apparently on the best terms and he won’t come over here and say hey…?”
“You would think a 150 dollar remote could change channels.”
“Apple just killed my whole website.”
“I feel like the shittest day of our whole life is their best day.”
“Never come to the grocery store hungry.”
The Strict Mom: “…Like you have enough money.”
The Brat Kid: “Actually we do. I could sell my jeans and buy your whole farm.”
“The fucking instructions are in Europe.”
(He thought someone peed on his down comforter and did not know how to clean it. So, we were like read the directions. And this is what he said.)
“I feel like I brushed my teeth today but it still tastes like shit.”
“I’ll just get a taxi back and call it a fucking life.”
(Bitching about getting a ride home from North Charleston to Mt. P)
“is tired of the quiz request… I don’t know shit about anyone, including myself… gout doctor and dentist all in the same day…. weeeee this is fun.”
“Why am I getting a second nose? I smell just fine.”
(Talking about something growing on his face)
“I feel like Paula Anne couldn’t lifeguard a bath tub if Michael Phelps was swimming in it.”
“I can smell how hot it is!!!!”
(We were all trying to peer pressure him into tasting extremely hot salsa)
“Who wants to try a cold pocket.”
(We drove forever looking for food and Kevin buys hot pockets but the place he bought them did not have a microwave)
“Kristy rolls around in the beach and then goes straight to bed.”
(Talking about shit in Kristy’s bed)
(While in the same bed.)
“If i break wind you might die.”
Jordan: “Damn! That’s why the room is shaking. You’re leg is movin’ fast as hell…..”
Kevbo: “90 miles a minute baby!”
Jordan: “90 miles a minute is slow…..”
Kevbo: “90 miles a mintute is slow?!? You’re fucking high, Jordan!”
“Put that in your crackbook and smoke it.”
“I’m fucking doing amazing things… I’m driving… in the rain.”
“You pay for Adam, I’ll pay for Chris, and we’ll split Todd.”
(About bailing Todd, Adam, and Chirs outta jail)
“She squooshed the a.c.”
“Can I shoot you with this pellet gun for getting arrested?”
“We are gonna be mud lining it.”
(Talking about shitting his pants when I grass lined it in the ditch.)
“I wanna sandwich…NOT a salad.”
Kevbo: “I got gout.”
Mel: “I got shingles.”
Todd: “I got kidney failure.”
Me: “I got dumb.”
“You can’t dick fight with Kevbo… you’ll feel like youre bringing a knife to a sword fight.”
“Why are you typing it in your phone when you already have the crackbook open on the internet…”