“I don’t like Grey Goose. It sneaks up on you.”

“The day Forever the Sickest Kids break up is the day I stop listening to emo music.”

“Well, my finger is gonna have to work right now.”

(Talking about using her finger to brush her teeth because she didn’t have a toothbrush)

“Good things always happen in this shirt.”

“Ask him if he’s really having a party, or is it shits and giggles and laughs and farts.”

“That’s vital to my life.”
(Talking about the only pen she had for finals)

“Okay… I’ll just use a dirty sock.”
(Trying to find something to wipe with after popping a squat by the car at a concert)

“I just want to smack her in the head and tell her to smarten up.”

“So, funny I almost forgot to laugh.”

“How sad… we are chug a lugging via text.”

“You always take the best part of what I have!!”

“It wasn’t even that great. So, the ticket wasn’t even worth it!”
(Getting pulled over by the cop on campus after…)

“Dude, maybe since he is 28… he lost his sense of flirting.”

“In this case, the minis are better.”

twenty-eight

“It’s a big squirt for such little hands.”

“We are walking like we have firecrackers up our asses!”
(We were power walking downtown so I could get to a store before it closed)

“You’re gonna have to stop chewing while I take this quiz.”
(The Michael’s quiz with 34787498475 math problems)

“I feel like one too many people have shit their pants.”
(Talking about how bad it smelled in the court house)

“It tastes like ass that is burning.”
(Talking about the spicy chicken tenders in CSU’s caf)

“DUDE! I knew I was in South Carolina when I saw a piece of shit car with it’s trunk open and a dead deer sticking out bleeding everywhere. Who sticks it in their car?”

“Why would I not want a flying pig on my car?”

“This grass is wet… like my cooch.”

“It got a little cooch juice on it.”
(Talking about the water bottle she snuck in at a concert)

“I’m probably not gonna drink that much tonight just so I can live to see tomorrow.”

“We should find security and give him a ticket.”
(There was a police car parked illegally on campus, and Kristals was making fun of it and how anal campus security is about parking)

(What Kristy would say if me and her were to get caught sneaking in the caf by the lunch lady.)
“We forgot our food.”

“I may run into walls….but at least I don’t look like one.”

“I haven’t showered since the other day when I showered.”

“l bet” (instead of) “a safe bet”