“Lifes too short for homework.”

“Why would you do that?”
(Mocking Harr)

“Fuck off! It’s fuck off Paula scent.”
(I asked her what perfume she was wearing)

“My feelings are hurt. Are yours hurt?”

“Change it! This is giving me a hangover.”
(Talking about Miley Cyrus’ song See You Again)

“Dude. If you fucking put it on pause one more time, I’ll cut your fucking balls off!”

“You can’t date someone you don’t trust.”

“It looks like we had a french fry party in my car.”

“Everytime I wake up next to Kevin there’s something wrong with me.”

“I have no idea WHY I am in CLASS on my BIRTHDAY.. but I figured I’d make one good decision by going to class.”

“I didn’t even make myself throw up. Adam’s toilet made me. It smelled like an elephant’s zoo.”

“No, seriously. I have to make like all A’s this semester, and I will. So, we can be half nerds and half alcoholics together.”

“This is the living room. You’re suppose to watch what everyone wants to watch.”
(Talking about Clayton and the Lakers game)

“I look like I’m going to shovel duck poop.”
(She was talking about her hot outfit, which was her blue scrubs with yellow detail and her yellow seven-year-old rainboots with a yellow hairband)

“You don’t just chop off your head and hook up with her.”
(Talking about a girl who doesn’t have a pretty face but has a good body)

“Does she know that you’re dumb?”
(Talking about how Sparky is asking Me, of all people in the universe, for driving directions)

(It is a THURSDAY. Adam is bitching saying he’s bored and he’s just gonna go downtown)
Mel: “What are you going to do…… cocaine?”
Adam: “Why would you do cocaine on a THURSDAY?”

“Yeah, we probably shouldn’t be friends. We aren’t very good influences on each other. We are trying to make the other one feel better by telling them they are miserably failing out of school worst… we are worthless. We should probably just kill ourselves.”

“I’m only dressed up when I’m wearing the clothes from the night before.”

“They’re not wedgie proof. They are for FOR SURE super wedgie.”
(Talking about Victoria’s Secret panties)

“He called me just to tell me he drove around with a beer can on his hood.”

“It’s a big whoof that combines into a big fart.”

“I’m in the car next to a lady who is using tweezers to pluck out her facial hair…… and I’m not talking eyebrows, Charles. I’m talking in the mustache/beard area.”

“I am dressed like a fucking monkey!”

“Those people are so sheltered they probably don’t even know what the word means.”
(Talking about when I yelled out vagina at the Japanese place and what Mel thinks the people sitting with us thought)

“Can I get some fruit dressing for your lettuce?”
(Making fun of Harr for liking that dressing on her salad at the Japanese place)

“You need to hush cause your mouth is bigger than your butt.”

“He’ll call just to tell me there was a green frog on his window.”
(Making fun of Adam)

“Shut up you llama laughing fuck.”

“Adam just hung up on me because I took the paper towel roll… AND IT WAS MINE!!”