“Burpees. I swear that’s what you do in hell.”

“I’m seriously the worse driver ever. I’ve taken out more mailboxes than Lindsay Lohan on a high drive by.”

“I decided I was not going to be a rat in that rat race anymore.”

“If you can’t win, go around them.”

“I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

“Is it irresponsible to drink a margarita before class?”

“I am not blonde, I just like to think outside the box.”

“Belk is having a 1/2 off sale. Looks like Harri’s gettin’ a new PAIR of shoes!”

(This is in response to what Harriet said, which was ““When people give me a twenty dollar gift card to Belk, I’m like, ‘What am I suppose to buy? One shoe’?”)

“I feel like rice is about to come out of my nose.”

(Cory slaps the windshield of his car and says…)

“I wish that bug that I just killed was you.”

(Talking about Martha Stewart)

“She’s too busy making a napkin out of a pine-cone.”

“I start sneezing when I get drunk.”

“I always have realizations in the bathroom.”

“Yeah. We don’t know what she looks like on the inside. We are just rating her on the outside.”

“They can’t find their butt with both hands.”

“The strategy is, it is what it is.”

Me: “I want a spinach leafy pizza!”

Gregg: “Reading this just made me get out of bed, go to Walmart, and buy a pizza and now I’m cooking it.”

“Is it just me or do the commercials about saving animals make you feel worse than the ones about children?”

“What on earth u going to the library so early for? Better take a rowboat to get there.”

“At the end of the day, I can probably live through it.”

“…And even more importantly, forget about who it might piss off.”

“Shake yourself like an Etch-A-Sketch and start over.”

(Talking about people who have shitty jobs with bad attitudes.)

“I mean gosh! Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.”

(Talking about the views of Republicans and Democrats.)

“O, O, O! My professor (English), told me that a 15 to 30 minute report will get you a 3 to 5 sec grade.”

“Party at Casey’s tonight. Leave the kids at home.”

(Talking about finding Casey Anthony not guilty.)

“Don’t bet the farm on one horse.”

“Don’t look for other people to change your life. They’re not going to do shit for you.”

(Talking about politicians running for president and how people think the president will change shit for you.)

“Everyone doesn’t need to weigh in on everything, except for me. Really honestly because…. I mean… I’m the voice of reason.”

“Academic people who are stupid are always a challenge.”

“Man! You must have some nice air conditioner in that truck to ride with the windows rolled up.”