“Well Shaggy, that’s another mystery solved.”

“That’s like tryin to put a forrest fire out with a water gun.”

“You’re only a few fries short of a happy meal.”

“The bathroom mirror will lie to you. The rear view mirror won’t.”

“That’s about as cool as a handjob on a honeymoon.”

“If all else fails, cheat.”

“We’ll squeeze each others asses at the same time and then we’ll really know who’s got what.”

“Don’t shit on your own parade.”

So, there were these kids that jumped into the pool and nearly drowned. The lifeguard saved them and asked Kid 1: “Why did you jump in?” The Kid said “I didn’t know it was that deep.”  The lifeguard then asked Kid 2: “Why did you jump in?” and Kid 2 said: “Because he’s my buddy.”

“What am I gonna do? Wash it away? It’s still gonna be there in the morning.”

“I hope your dick is longer than your attention span.”

“Here are some onions for your breath.”

“Don’t break anything you can’t pay for.”

“Let’s pick a theory out of the book and discuss how it fits our personality.”

(Talking about ditching the theories research paper and doing this instead)

“I have terminal ass cancer. I can’t sit in this seat any longer.”

(Why he can’t stay in class)

“Painting and fucking a lot don’t go together. It softens the brain. It’s quite a nuisance.”

“Fuck God. He doesn’t even know what’s going on.”

“Ummmmmm… we don’t clean.”

“We are just going to get food. I have no shoes on and no bra or makeup, so don’t worry.”

(Mel bitching about them leaving before cleaning the kitchen)

“I like the index section of the book cause that means we’re done.”

“Well, I’m the clown that came to town.”

“It’s cold as a witches tit.”

(What Brett wishes was on the door)
“Professor Spitler was hit by a milk truck. She drowned in the milk. No class today.”

“It is what it is, I guess.”

“I’m wearing my fat shirt, so you can’t see my fat.”

“If you have to cry, go outside.”

“I’m 95 percent of Marion County. I’m a nigger.”

“You’re back in the goons.”

“Guys are like peacocks.”

“I’m all skipped out.”
(Talking about how he can’t skip anymore college classes)