The Crackbook » Other Goobers

Marianne

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:09:26 +0000

“Burpees. I swear that’s what you do in hell.”

John Hanna

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:58:26 +0000

“I’m seriously the worse driver ever. I’ve taken out more mailboxes than Lindsay Lohan on a high drive by.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:50:53 +0000

“I decided I was not going to be a rat in that rat race anymore.”

Dad

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:50:02 +0000

“If you can’t win, go around them.”

Coco Chanel

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:47:22 +0000

“I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

Ashley Peacock

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:31:47 +0000

“Is it irresponsible to drink a margarita before class?”

Matt Ammons

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:06:00 +0000

“I am not blonde, I just like to think outside the box.”

John Hanna

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:59:29 +0000

“Belk is having a 1/2 off sale. Looks like Harri’s gettin’ a new PAIR of shoes!”

(This is in response to what Harriet said, which was ““When people give me a twenty dollar gift card to Belk, I’m like, ‘What am I suppose to buy? One shoe’?”)

Scooby

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:49:27 +0000

“I feel like rice is about to come out of my nose.”

Cory to Morgs

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:44:53 +0000

(Cory slaps the windshield of his car and says…)

“I wish that bug that I just killed was you.”

Chelsea Handler

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:43:37 +0000

(Talking about Martha Stewart)

“She’s too busy making a napkin out of a pine-cone.”

Melissa Wim

Paula Anne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:58:18 +0000

“I start sneezing when I get drunk.”

Jayne

Paula Anne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:56:19 +0000

“I always have realizations in the bathroom.”

Drew

Paula Anne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:54:16 +0000

“Yeah. We don’t know what she looks like on the inside. We are just rating her on the outside.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:53:08 +0000

“They can’t find their butt with both hands.”

Announcer at the Carolina game

Paula Anne — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:50:19 +0000

“The strategy is, it is what it is.”

Me and Gregg

Paula Anne — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 07:21:57 +0000

Me: “I want a spinach leafy pizza!”

Gregg: “Reading this just made me get out of bed, go to Walmart, and buy a pizza and now I’m cooking it.”

Harold

Paula Anne — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:07:34 +0000

“Is it just me or do the commercials about saving animals make you feel worse than the ones about children?”

John Hanna

Paula Anne — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 12:34:59 +0000

“What on earth u going to the library so early for? Better take a rowboat to get there.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 15:24:32 +0000

“At the end of the day, I can probably live through it.”

Chris Sacca

Paula Anne — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 18:54:57 +0000

“…And even more importantly, forget about who it might piss off.”

Adam Carolla

Paula Anne — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 18:53:58 +0000

“Shake yourself like an Etch-A-Sketch and start over.”

(Talking about people who have shitty jobs with bad attitudes.)

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 18:51:10 +0000

“I mean gosh! Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.”

(Talking about the views of Republicans and Democrats.)

Julian Chestnut

Paula Anne — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:50:25 +0000

“O, O, O! My professor (English), told me that a 15 to 30 minute report will get you a 3 to 5 sec grade.”

Kiefer

Paula Anne — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:43:24 +0000

“Party at Casey’s tonight. Leave the kids at home.”

(Talking about finding Casey Anthony not guilty.)

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:35:42 +0000

“Don’t bet the farm on one horse.”

Adam Carolla

Paula Anne — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:33:30 +0000

“Don’t look for other people to change your life. They’re not going to do shit for you.”

(Talking about politicians running for president and how people think the president will change shit for you.)

Adam Carolla

Paula Anne — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 16:57:14 +0000

“Everyone doesn’t need to weigh in on everything, except for me. Really honestly because…. I mean… I’m the voice of reason.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 18:17:46 +0000

“Academic people who are stupid are always a challenge.”

Random dude to Albert

Paula Anne — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 18:16:21 +0000

“Man! You must have some nice air conditioner in that truck to ride with the windows rolled up.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 21:01:10 +0000

“I don’t wanna owe relatives money. It changes the way Thanksgiving dinner tastes.”

Adam Carolla

Paula Anne — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 20:22:50 +0000

“Take your zits and your bad beard and get the fuck out of my garage, would you please.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 20:01:53 +0000

“The only ship that won’t sail, darling, is a partnership.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:43:35 +0000

“Twitter. It’s a whole new way to piss people off. I like it, it’s fun.”

PJ

Paula Anne — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 04:44:40 +0000

“You don’t read drum music.”

Renee to me

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:36:13 +0000

“You look like a chimpanzee hanging over a cage looking for some bananas.”

Jason Brewer

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:22:25 +0000

“You can’t say you lost something if you know where it is.”

Anita

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:21:42 +0000

(Anita, who is from India, was at the Mellow Mushroom and the waiter was acting in a way that made her say this…)

“In other countries that’s considered rude.”

Forrest Kline

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:14:37 +0000

“Lying to the media is fun….. Until it lasts six years.”

Dr. Andy

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:07:44 +0000

“You can make it fun. Put some glitter on it and call it something different.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:05:07 +0000

“Broke people giving out financial advice is kind of humorous. It’s like fat people giving out diet advice.”

Kief to Albert

Paula Anne — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 20:55:15 +0000

“You can pretend my legs are female cause my jeans are tight.”

Bill

Paula Anne — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 20:46:20 +0000

“The winds a whipping…. the ferns are dieing.”

Albert

Paula Anne — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 20:45:27 +0000

“The church bulletins smell like booze.”

Sancho

Paula Anne — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 20:26:07 +0000

“You look like an idiot with a cigarette under the table.”

Renee

Paula Anne — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 20:24:08 +0000

“Look at this shitty penny. Its been run over, shot at, and eaten by a shark.”

Renee

Paula Anne — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 17:10:00 +0000

“It’s so cold out there Jack Frost would be shivering.”

22′s Uncle to Kev

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:33:32 +0000

(Kevin always passes out and this is what his uncle said)

“It’s like drinking at a nursing home with you.”

D.

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:30:51 +0000

“Dramatic people are a constant source of inspiration.”

Umbridge

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:26:48 +0000

“Did these seats get smaller or did my ass get bigger?”

(Talking about movie theater seats)

Randall’s girlfriend

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:24:09 +0000

“Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance.”

Nay

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:22:52 +0000

Some dude: (Takes a hit from hookah, cups his hands around his mouth and growls as he blows out the smoke and says…) “I feel like a dragon.” (A few minutes later he says..) “Facebook!”

Some other dude’s response: “Twitter!”

Renee’s response: “Crackbook!”

Logan

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:17:30 +0000

“I just imagine her boobs touching the floor.”

(Talking about how this one girl’s boobs sag and why he wouldn’t hook up with her)

Levi

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:16:15 +0000

“My moms like ‘Hey! Imma take you grocery shopping todddddday!’ And I’m like ‘Thanks, I did that yesterday.’”

(Talking about how Levi has bad luck)

Kevin’s Uncle

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:12:18 +0000

(What Kevin’s uncle told Kevin about Kevin’s dad)

“You would think a basket of puppies was run over by bus the way your dad ran in the house to say the keg was empty.”

Renee

Paula Anne — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 04:40:43 +0000

“It’s like an old man trying to get an erection. It’s just not fucking working.”

(Talking about how long it takes to upload pictures to facebook)

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:37:02 +0000

“How much time do you spend hating other people that you’ve never met?”

Random black dude at lunch time

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:14:08 +0000

“You’re drinking milk like you’re about to go to bed.”

—–

“I don’t have friends, I have participants.”

—–

“We cook on Sundee and that’s got to last us til Wensdee.”

Renee quotes

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:13:24 +0000

Renee to Me: “I’d cry if I dropped my soup. And I’d expect you to cry too.”

—–

(What Renee said to me right after I hit a curb)

Renee to Me: “It’s good to check that the curbs are still there… cause you might just run into the building.”

—–

“So, on Friday nights they have these people with nice cars meetings and they all have like 2013 cars that haven’t even hit the lots.”

—–

Renee to me about Emily: “She whispers like God is not gonna hear it… but guess what…. he did.”

(Emily whispered to us how to say the word shit in German)

Emily D.

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:06:29 +0000

“Botox your butt crack cause that shits saggy.”

Rose

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:46:36 +0000

(Talking about a security guard at the mall who walks around like he’s in a fantasy world.)

“You can shoot him in his ass and he wouldn’t realize he just got shot.”

—–

(How dumb Rose thinks Americans are)

“We can sell you a fart for a hundred dollars and you’ll buy it.”

Madison to Rose

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:20:33 +0000

“Did your phone go to clown school?”

(She said this because Rose’s phone honked like a horn)

Random quote on the internet

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:10:32 +0000

“If you consider dyeing your hair, dye it black. The other colors are not so cool and you’ll look like a clown, in my opinion.”

Renee to Me and Maggy

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:05:42 +0000

“If you guys wanted to kill me right now I would probably let you.”

Emily D. quotes

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:54:03 +0000

(Talking about prison)

“I could do three months. That shit is like camp after a while.”

—–

“I don’t wear my pants camel toe style.”

—–

“If it ain’t broke…. don’t fix it.”

—–

“It’s my birthday, my DUI.”

(Talking about how she didn’t want her drunk friend to drive her home. Emily was drunk and it was her birthday)

Drew

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:46:09 +0000

“Do moths die after 24 hours? Or is that just house flies?”

Chef Ramsay

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:59:55 +0000

“I’m not here to blow smoke up your ass.”

Madea

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:57:40 +0000

“I had to roll a tree cause I was gettin ready to kill somebody.”

Herman

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:56:45 +0000

“You’re acting like garfield on a Monday.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:55:05 +0000

“You never want to take your fashion or your investmesnt advice from mightnight cable, because your will end up with goldbars in your hand and a snuggie.”

Ok go

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:20:40 +0000

“We travel with diamond studded helicopters.”

Noles and Emily

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:19:52 +0000

“The bigger the hoop the bigger the hoe.”

(Talking about how big her hoop earrings were)

Nay Nay

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 20:18:04 +0000

“I think that after you spend so much money at a fast food restaurant, you should get a complimentary tred mill.”

Emily D.

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 19:35:21 +0000

“What did you do? Go to jail for having a baby and throwing it in the trash can… You’re like 15.”

(Talking about black girls in jail at that age)

Stevey (Engo’s friend)

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:53:21 +0000

“Your happiness is your pay.”

(Talking about how Kevin only got paid five dollars and a snickers candy bar for cutting grass. His fun was riding on the lawn mower)

Rose

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:49:50 +0000

“I don’t want nothing free. You know why? Cause then I don’t have to say thank you.”

Keifer about Julia Bilder

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:56:56 +0000

“She showed no mercy until she had to get her diaper changed.”

Gary to Lynn

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:42:43 +0000

“Inspire is not a website for cheerleaders.”

(Inspire is a website for people who have survived cancer, which Gary has. And he said this to a lady named Lynn who has never had cancer and was just on the website for shits and giggles.)

Dudes at Johnson’s Pub

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:38:52 +0000

“That was official.”

(This is what the lead singer of the band said after a smelly black guy got kicked out of the bar.)

Constance Cooper

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:30:19 +0000

“If y’all gonna make me do this white girl stuff, I gotta be drunk.”

(Talking about going through a corn maze on Halloween)

PJ

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:29:01 +0000

“You might think she’s changed, but a leopard doesn’t change its spots.”

Emily

Paula Anne — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 17:25:22 +0000

“I’m not dumb cause I’m blonde. I’m dumb because I fried all my brain cells.”

Mad Hare (alice in wonderland)

Paula Anne — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 17:44:42 +0000

“That’s just it. If you don’t think, then you shouldn’t talk.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 17:42:52 +0000

“It’s not that you’re a dream killer, it’s that you aviod nightmares.”

Renee to Me

Paula Anne — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 15:52:49 +0000

“Your vagina needs to grow a brain.”

Dave Ramsey

Paula Anne — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 05:27:56 +0000

“That’s like tryin to put a forrest fire out with a water gun.”

Lisa Robertson

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:32:50 +0000

“The bathroom mirror will lie to you. The rear view mirror won’t.”

Eng’s Friend

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:28:56 +0000

“That’s about as cool as a handjob on a honeymoon.”

Coach Coleman

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:25:50 +0000

“If all else fails, cheat.”

Skip to Mellody

Paula Anne — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:53:17 +0000

“We’ll squeeze each others asses at the same time and then we’ll really know who’s got what.”

Mrs. Nancy

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:25:43 +0000

“Don’t shit on your own parade.”

Matt about Prof. Fix

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:23:53 +0000

“He types the way he talks.”

Life Guarding Class

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:22:29 +0000

So, there were these kids that jumped into the pool and nearly drowned. The lifeguard saved them and asked Kid 1: “Why did you jump in?” The Kid said “I didn’t know it was that deep.” The lifeguard then asked Kid 2: “Why did you jump in?” and Kid 2 said: “Because he’s my buddy.”

Jared to his mama

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:16:02 +0000

“What am I gonna do? Wash it away? It’s still gonna be there in the morning.”

Glenn to Rev

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:12:29 +0000

“I hope your dick is longer than your attention span.”

Yokoso dude

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:07:48 +0000

“Here are some onions for your breath.”

Drew

Paula Anne — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:06:35 +0000

“Don’t break anything you can’t pay for.”

Lester

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:14:09 +0000

“Let’s pick a theory out of the book and discuss how it fits our personality.”

(Talking about ditching the theories research paper and doing this instead)

Brett Yo

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:08:35 +0000

“I have terminal ass cancer. I can’t sit in this seat any longer.”

(Why he can’t stay in class)

Vincent von Gough

Paula Anne — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:07:42 +0000

“Painting and fucking a lot don’t go together. It softens the brain. It’s quite a nuisance.”