“Shit rolls down hill.”

“Grammatical errors make me pop out in hives.”

“I do not accept late work in person or via email. Plan ahead for computer malfunctions.”

“I feel like crap — flu but no fever, so I’m just a wet noodle.”

“You can’t water a garden with a fire hire.”

“Can 200 people sneak up on anything?”

Dr. Spitler: “Some will be up in the rapture, some of y’all will be left behind.”

Jocelyn: “That’s just wrong.”

Dr. Spitler: “The one that speaks up is the one that’s not really sure.”

(The whole class dies laughing because Jocelyn was the loudest)

“Cooking. It’s a waste of my time, like going to the bathroom. Eating and going to the bathroom is a total wast of time.”

“That’s what I get for being color coordinated instead of practical.”
(She bent down and her zipper busted and then said this)

“Choose the hill you’re willing to die on. Is this the hill I’m willing to die on based on what I believe in?”

“Don’t think that all the people you are flying with are alive.”

“You are what you are.”

“The light at the end of the tunnel is actually fire.”
(Talking about hell and how our nation is headed straight to it)

“They’re not in jail because they’re smart.”

“We all woke up this morning, so we are all happy campers.”

“Thou shall not smoke dope and skip rope.”

“You cannot look for an elephant in a matchbox.”

“I’m an all purpose professor.”
(Teaches black people how to properly say the word ask)

“Do you think that I woke up today wanting to see your faces?”

“The movie lasted longer than the actual Titanic.”
(He was talking about how the movie was ridiculously too long)

“WHOOOAAA! Your clothes are pretty high.”
(Talking about people who smoke pot and then walk by her)

(What Dr. Spitler thinks CSU’s residence life looks for on campus…)
“They are only looking for three things: alcohol, drugs, and condoms.”

“They started using planes… death from above.”

“Who can argue with logic like that?”

“You better steam clean that bong because I will get residue out of it.”