“It’s like a fat girl. It’s fun til your friends find out.”
(Talking about mopeds)

“You know how I know I’m fratty? Because when all my nice clothes are dirty i wear polo.”

“Just to sleep in the bed I need a rubber. I have wounds…I’m done!”

(Todd puts the side of a wine bag to his ear.)
Jordan says, “It’s calling your name, Todd.”
Todd says, “It’s bubbling….” (And then he puts the wine bag next to Jordan’s ear.) …and then says, “Listen.”
Jordan says, “Yea, it says TODDDDDDDDDDD!”

“Just a couple of the best nicknames J Chris and I came up with for Jesus: the bibles protagonist, speaker of red words, salvation station, coming home king, da OG from Galilee, God Jr. , floaty toes, DJ Heaven, bay walker, sand hiker etc….”

“Well no wonder it went over so well…. I knew what the plan was!”

“K. C’mon. The dicks not sucking itself.”

“I have the laughing gas!”

“Mel, I love how you’re talking about herpes and you have shingles.”

Me: “Todd, can I have your computer?”

Todd: “No, it’s like the only good part in my life.”

Kevbo: “I got gout.”

Mel: “I got shingles.”

Todd: “I got kidney failure.”

Me: “I got dumb.”

“You can’t dick fight with Kevbo… you’ll feel like youre bringing a knife to a sword fight.”

“Taylor Swifter”

“Well, if she wasn’t hanging out with GDI’s and get the shingles…”

“How much do you wanna bet that I can swan dive over this onto the table and be just fine?”

“Does this shirt make my cock look bigger?”

“Mel, you are being such a penis hog.”

“I might need to take a guy friend so they can catch me when I faint.”

(He was trying to figure out what girl to take but then he said this.)

“Hey Pocahontas! Can I be your John Smith?”

“You need psychology, you closet case.”

“I played a college sport, I’m in a frat, I have good grades….and I’m not a communications major.”

“Spank Bank.”

“I feel like Forrest Gump right now. I’m all crippled and I have ice-cream.”

(He was outside the caf and hands were all wrapped up from falling through Kevbo’s table…. and he had ice-cream in his hand.)