Black Lady (getting a car booted yells out): “Jesus paid my debt.”

Other Black Lady (who booted the car): “But the parking tickets weren’t included.”

“We’re not trying to be mean, we just don’t want you to be yourself… in any way.”

“Mr. Rios, if I could wipe that smirk off your face and get away with it legally, I would do it.”

“If you were a food, you’d be mashed potatoes… without butter or salt.”

(Talking about how boring a lady’s wardrobe was)

Boy to Girl: “You can get into trouble.”

Girl: “That’s how you know it’s an adventure.”

“They don’t keep me here because I’m gorgeous. They keep me here because I’m smart.”

“Am I just going to get shit on all day? Is that what’s gonna happen?”

Jack to Chrissy: “Tell him you’re sick.”

Chrissy: “I can’t tell a lie.”

Jack: “Tell him your father is in town and you are spending some time with him.”

Chrissy: “I can’t tell him the truth, he’ll think I’m lying.”

“If you don’t have it, it doesn’t exist.”

“Look at this little hobbit hole.”

“No, sweetheart… my mouth is fucked.”

(What he said to the waitress after eating shitty food)

“You’re cooking your goose, sir.”

“I’m not gonna do a karate move on a leopard.”

“Could you wipe the fucking snot off your face before we start serving chicken and snot?!?!”

“Put on glasses. It’s better to look like a geek than a moron. You have your choice.”

“Don’t thank me. Just fuck me.”

“This is not a tea dance. I talk, you listen.”

(Making fun of Gary Busey)

“You are the future, dragons are the past.”

“Frisbees are the new kites.”

“You gotta eat to stay fit.”

(He was overweight AND eating fried chicken and other fat ass foods)

“I need some coffee and I need some blues clues. That’s how we solve murders, right Larson?”

“I just played punch the mole in the freakin’ hole.”

“I love eggs because they don’t run very fast.”

(Talking about trying to catch food to survive in the wilderness)

“Don’t start getting jazzy with me.”

“Charlie Sheen. You don’t have teeth. The argument is over. You’re the loser.”

“You like your girls like you like your underwear….. dirty.”

“This carpet looks like its had a thousand buffalos walking all over it.”

(Chef Ramsay ordered cod fish and said this…)

“It’s rubbery. When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.”

“I’m gonna high-five the happiness right into ya!”

“That’s like wearing a raincoat in the shower. You dont wanna do it… you got to.”

“Turn on the on switch before you answer. Don’t go dumb on me.”