The Crackbook » TV

Parking Wars

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:19:07 +0000

Black Lady (getting a car booted yells out): “Jesus paid my debt.”

Other Black Lady (who booted the car): “But the parking tickets weren’t included.”

New Girl

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:14:15 +0000

“We’re not trying to be mean, we just don’t want you to be yourself… in any way.”

Judge Judy

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:00:18 +0000

“Mr. Rios, if I could wipe that smirk off your face and get away with it legally, I would do it.”

Clinton Kelly (from TLC what not to wear)

Paula Anne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:49:06 +0000

“If you were a food, you’d be mashed potatoes… without butter or salt.”

(Talking about how boring a lady’s wardrobe was)

Lim Snick

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:04:59 +0000

Boy to Girl: “You can get into trouble.”

Girl: “That’s how you know it’s an adventure.”

Judge Judy

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:00:20 +0000

“They don’t keep me here because I’m gorgeous. They keep me here because I’m smart.”

Jeff Lewis

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:55:51 +0000

“Am I just going to get shit on all day? Is that what’s gonna happen?”

Three’s Company

Paula Anne — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 07:55:01 +0000

Jack to Chrissy: “Tell him you’re sick.”

Chrissy: “I can’t tell a lie.”

Jack: “Tell him your father is in town and you are spending some time with him.”

Chrissy: “I can’t tell him the truth, he’ll think I’m lying.”

Judge Judy

Paula Anne — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 21:05:04 +0000

“If you don’t have it, it doesn’t exist.”

Cody Lundin

Paula Anne — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 21:02:04 +0000

“Look at this little hobbit hole.”

Chef Ramsay

Paula Anne — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 20:59:13 +0000

“No, sweetheart… my mouth is fucked.”

(What he said to the waitress after eating shitty food)

Judge Judy

Paula Anne — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:49:30 +0000

“You’re cooking your goose, sir.”

Cody Lundin

Paula Anne — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:45:37 +0000

“I’m not gonna do a karate move on a leopard.”

Chef Ramsay

Paula Anne — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:42:18 +0000

“Could you wipe the fucking snot off your face before we start serving chicken and snot?!?!”

Judge Judy to defendant

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:45:07 +0000

“Put on glasses. It’s better to look like a geek than a moron. You have your choice.”

Make a P

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:30:55 +0000

“Don’t thank me. Just fuck me.”

Judge Judy

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:27:51 +0000

“This is not a tea dance. I talk, you listen.”

Jimmy Fallon

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:27:08 +0000

(Making fun of Gary Busey)

“You are the future, dragons are the past.”

“Frisbees are the new kites.”

First 48 Detective

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:13:33 +0000

“You gotta eat to stay fit.”

(He was overweight AND eating fried chicken and other fat ass foods)

Sgt. Tompson

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:11:55 +0000

“I need some coffee and I need some blues clues. That’s how we solve murders, right Larson?”

Dave Canterbury

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:10:03 +0000

“I just played punch the mole in the freakin’ hole.”

Cody Lundin

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:09:07 +0000

“I love eggs because they don’t run very fast.”

(Talking about trying to catch food to survive in the wilderness)

Dog

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:06:59 +0000

“Don’t start getting jazzy with me.”

Chelsea Handler

Paula Anne — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:02:37 +0000

“Charlie Sheen. You don’t have teeth. The argument is over. You’re the loser.”

Pauly D.

Paula Anne — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 20:25:00 +0000

“You like your girls like you like your underwear….. dirty.”

Chef Ramsay

Paula Anne — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 19:07:50 +0000

“This carpet looks like its had a thousand buffalos walking all over it.”

Chef Ramsay

Paula Anne — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:04:53 +0000

(Chef Ramsay ordered cod fish and said this…)

“It’s rubbery. When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.”

Rob Dyrdek

Paula Anne — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 20:19:01 +0000

“I’m gonna high-five the happiness right into ya!”

Real World: Knight

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 21:02:00 +0000

“That’s like wearing a raincoat in the shower. You dont wanna do it… you got to.”

Rob Dyrdek to Drama

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:46:36 +0000

“Turn on the on switch before you answer. Don’t go dumb on me.”

Real World: New Orleans-Ryan’s brother

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:45:27 +0000

“It’s like finding an easter egg in a corn field.”

Jack (Three’s a Company)

Paula Anne — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:45:30 +0000

“We’re closer than two ticks on a dogs tail.”

Jeff Lewis

Paula Anne — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 06:02:29 +0000

“You either live like me or you wanna live like me.”

My life as Liz

Paula Anne — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:06:36 +0000

“It’s not like multiplying two negatives and making a positive. It’s just twice as crappy.”

Iron Chef Host

Paula Anne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:33:59 +0000

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

Miami Social

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:33:15 +0000

Katrina: “I’m off like a prom dress.”

King of the Hill

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:28:29 +0000

“Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?”

Commercial

Paula Anne — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:25:30 +0000

“Clorox. Kill the germs, not the fun.”

The Office: Dwight to Jim

Paula Anne — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:37:23 +0000

“Come along…….(pause)……. after-thought.”

Jeff Lewis

Paula Anne — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:28:10 +0000

“If I kill over in Wal-Mart, drag my body over to Neimans.”

Freaky Friday

Paula Anne — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:20:01 +0000

Teacher: “Harry’s having trouble with bullying.”
Mom: “So, that’s character building.”

Let’s go to prison

Paula Anne — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:18:07 +0000

“There is a such thing called karma, and we don’t wanna get on the wrong side of that.”

Brat Kid from The World’s Strictest Parents

Paula Anne — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 17:32:03 +0000

The Strict Mom: “…Like you have enough money.”
The Brat Kid: “Actually we do. I could sell my jeans and buy your whole farm.”

The Office: Two Weeks

Paula Anne — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:28:39 +0000

Jim: “Is that scotch?”
Michael: “Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Slenda… gets drunk like scotch.”

I Love Lucy

Paula Anne — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:59:31 +0000

Ethel: “Is everything okie dokie?”
Lucy: “No, it’s inky stinky.”